Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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