Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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