clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
