So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
