I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
