i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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