Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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