Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
