god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
