Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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