she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
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