It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The Olympian is in my bed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
