I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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