All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
