i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
