I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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