So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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