the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
