so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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