They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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