There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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