Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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