you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize