can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
