im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
