Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I touched a dick in church today
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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