Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
