Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
