woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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