I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
