Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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