You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
