my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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