turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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