i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize