Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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