Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
