I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize