I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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