Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
