Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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