I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
