lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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