Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
