I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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