Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
