You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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