Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
