My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
