remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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