Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
