Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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