What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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