This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
