one might say we're banned from that church
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
