i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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