Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
