singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
