I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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