Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Im part way to drunk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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